I am _________________

 

And I will not be able to ________________

 

I am a fat, aging cancer patient

 

• OK, fat, aging and cancer don’t totally define me. At least, they shouldn’t. So they won’t.
  

 

I am a funny, kindly old geezer. There, that’s better.

 

And I will not be able to win an Olympic gold medal.

 

• OK, that’s a downer. Of course, neither will you. (True for really close to 100% of everyone who’s ever likely to read this even though I’m going to put it up on the Internet). 
• I’m not going to be able to go out in space.
• Another downer. Think of it, chained to the planet of my birth as if I were some kind of person born in a previous millennium. Oh, that’s right, I was. I remember taking pictures of the millennial changeover and having them printed in the Millennium Photo Project. Of course, probably everyone got pictures into that book. I didn’t actually buy it.
  

 

I will not be able to…

 

OK, I will be able to…

 

• Write a kids book about my  granddaughter for her to read when she’s older. See some parts of the world I haven’t been to yet. Not all of them. It’s a small planet, but there’s way more to see than I actually would be able to see if I lived to be 120.
• Have some fun.
  

Cancer Time

by

Henry Farkas

Stage I – Pre Diagnosis

Busy present, interminable future. Day to day, work, play. Everything is fine.

Stage II – Diagnosis of Lung Cancer

Well, this is one way to get the kids to come by for a visit. Wouldn't want to play this card very often. I work on a different time scale from my docs. They're relaxed, make appointments, get consults before surgery. I see it as a series of hoops I have to jump through before they'll take this out of me. And the furshlugginer secretaries keep putting off the times when I can go ahead and jump through the hoops.

Stage III – Treatment

Finally getting this done. Totally not fun. Feel way worse from the treatment than I ever felt from the cancer.

Stage IV – Complication

Heart attack – from all that steak I ate? From the obesity? From the chemo? Probably from all three.

Stage V – Recurrence

Merde. Gotta do Stage III all over again. Still totally not fun. Still feel way worse from the treatment than from the cancer.

Stage VI – Interregnum? Funny how that word came to mind. Between kings? Is cancer the king of me? Even though I have no idea when or if it'll come back? Especially because I have no idea when or if it'll come back.

Visited Santa Monica Airport today after my Qigong (pronounced Chi Gong) class. They have a nice observation deck, and a very nice Asian fusion restaurant.

A Love Poem to my Wife

My latest poem written at my cancer/writing support group:

A Poem Without Rhyme or Meter
To My Wife
 
by
 
Henry Farkas
 
It's difficult for me to talk with you about:
 
Nuclear physics, art history, quantum mechanics and
The use of the pluperfect tense in La Peste by Albert Camus
Because I don't know much about those subjects

Other than that they exist.
 
It's not so difficult for me to talk with you about:
My thoughts, my hopes,
My dreams and feelings.

My cancer.
 
You mentioned recently that
You didn't think I'd ever had an unexpressed thought.
That's probably correct.
Why would I waste all the mental effort
Of thinking up the thoughts
By not expressing them?
 
But, at times, as much as an hour goes by
Between the thought
And the expression.