You'll regret the things you haven't done

The assigned topic for our writing/cancer support group was, anger, our experience with it now and in the past, and how it affects our state of mind, well being, or recovery.

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Anger, for me, is unhelpful. It doesn't improve my control of my life or my situation. I used to get angry at others who didn't do what they should. It turned out that my anger didn't have the effect of making them, or me, do the right thing.

There were times when I'd get angry at myself, generally for not having done what, later, it became clear that I should have done—studied harder for a test, made a more witty remark during a conversation, been a better person.

But my anger at myself didn't make me a better person. My anger at others didn't make them better people.

Then, I saw a TV show—an episode of JAG. It's probably pretty pathetic that my whole approach to a philosophy of life could be affected, not by reading the wisdom of philosophers, but by watching a TV show about lawyers who are way better looking than 95% of everybody and who, at times, fly around in jet planes—but there it is.

I learned that the best way of dealing with anger is to forgive whoever you're angry at—including yourself.

Thus, you(I) can focus on living the rest of my life, improving if that's what's needed, and not letting incidents mess me up.

When my wife and I were 26, our first son died, suddenly, unexpectedly. He was 2 ½. Nobody could figure out why he died. I was angry at G-d for a few years. I wouldn't go into a synagogue. Did my anger improve G-d? Probably not. No sense keeping that going.

Forgiving works quite well. You get to stay calm. You don't get ulcers—saves a bundle of money on meds you don't need to take. How you forgive people is an exercise best left to the ingenuity of the perspicacious student.

This business of forgiving—and going on from there—is probably someone's philosophy. I have to admit that in college, the non-science, non-math courses were not my strong point. So here I am, stuck with a philosophy of life based on a single episode of a TV series that's been discontinued.